Thursday, July 8, 2010
Without any kindergarten stories to tell, my summer blog posts consist of a lot of rambling about pretty much nothing.
We are just 15 days into summer vacation and we've already gone on countless bike rides, sometimes twice a day, been to The Willows at least 5 times, once to play some Skeeball but most often to get ice cream...I could live on the stuff. We've been to the movies twice and tomorrow we'll head to the beach to spend the day in the sand, sun and surf.
I like the summer because I get to be just Mom. My boys don't have to share me with 18 other children, they get my full attention.
As Patrick gets older he needs my attention less and as Mikey and Daniel get older they WANT my attention less.
With this lack of attention I find myself with some time to fill. I find it hard to do nothing. I actually find it a bit unsettling.
I did pamper myself the other day with a pedicure, there is nothing better than that, and I browsed the book store and came home with three books that can not in any way shape or form be considered "professional" reading. I've taken naps, gone for walks, and sat on the porch and watched the world go by. All these things help me to rejuvenate. It's what all teachers (and kids for that matter) need after 9 months of really hard work.
However, today, I made a big mistake.
I woke up nice and early, before the heat and humidity of the day settled in. I laced up my running shoes and decided to go for a run. I took it slow because I wasn't out to win any races. (Not that I could anyway) I just wanted to get in a little exercise, enjoy the beautiful weather, the early morning quiet and clear my head a bit.
The mistake wasn't in the running, the mistake was in the route I decided to take. I live less than a mile from school and my route this morning took me right up past the front door. That's when I should have looked, smiled and kept going. Did I? Nope.
I walked up the steps and tried the door.
I pulled and it opened. I felt something drawing me in. I walked up the steps and looked down the dark hallway. I could hear the common sense voice in my head saying "Don't do it Lisa, turn, run as fast as you can...run now!" I really should learn how to listen to that voice.
Somewhere below me I could hear a radio playing. Most likely a custodian polishing a floor. I kept walking until found myself standing at my classroom door. I took a step inside. The mess was still there. The piles of materials still covered with sheets just where I left them. Did I really expect it to be any different than when I left the mess two weeks ago? Was I secretly hoping some magic spirit, perhaps the ghost of Horace Mann himself may have had pity on me and taken care of that mess? Moving is a messy business and it will be mine alone to deal with. Thanks a bunch Horace.
I stayed for only 5 minutes because I wasn't going to do anything about it at that moment anyway, and a dark quiet school building kind of gives me the creeps, so I turned and left.
That little five minute visit pretty much ended any hope of a peaceful, serene, clear-my-head run. My head was now filled with visions of the piles of materials I'll have to put away, planning I'll have to do to start the year, and the kids I will welcome into my room in September. That feeling of being overwhelmed that I've been trying so hard to overcome was hitting me again, a left to the gut, a right to the head. I ducked, I spun, and then I arrived back home defeated as I hit the mat.
Then two very nice things happened.
First, the mail came and in it was card. A thank you card from a very good friend. Reminding me that I have people in that building that care about me. She reminded me that good things WILL happen. I needed that reminder.
Then the phone rang and on the other end was another very good friend. Offering to meet me at school next week and help me get through some of the mess. She has so much more going on with her life right now, but still offered her help.
I instantly felt better. Just knowing that good things will happen and I don't have to go it alone lifted my spirits. I poured myself a cup of tea, sat on the front porch and decided to let it all go and enjoy the rest of my day.
It wasn't long before Patrick woke up and joined me on the porch with his bowl of Mini-Wheats.
"Mom, what's nougat?"
Ahhhh....Back to being just Mom.