Scattered

A few random thoughts...

Teachers should receive combat pay. 

Since we don't our place in heaven is assured.

Technology makes life easier, but when it doesn't work it's a pain in the butt.

Whoever thought sponges should wear square pants is a comic genius, but the sponge's laugh has got to go.

Recently I noticed  boys have very strange eating habits.

Little does not eat vegetables. Not a one, unless it comes in the form of ketchup or tomato sauce. He will however eat fruit, but only if it is apple sauce, apple slices or strawberries. It's a wonder he has grown past the 21" he was born with. 

Medium and Large on the other hand, love broccoli, turnip, carrots, corn, peas, and green beans. Go figure.

Medium at 15, drinks out of a glass, but still occasionally makes that sucking noise that three-year-olds do when they drink from their sippy cups.

Medium, Large and The Dad would rather eat standing at the kitchen counter than at the kitchen table. 

Large will eat a full dinner, then make himself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and then a half hour later tell me "I'm hungry and there's no food in the house."

The boys in my class would rather crush their cheezits, gold fish, ritz bits, and teddy grahams into crumbs than eat them. 

Kids think the words "underwear" and

 "toilet" are wildly funny.

I thought I was in trouble the other day when Little asked me, "Mom, what is a period?"

Oh, no, here we go. It's time for the talk.

"What?" I asked, stalling for time.

"What's a period?"

"Oh! You know what that is, it's that little dot at the end of a sentence."

Nice recovery, go mom!

"No, not that kind of period."

Damn it. 

"Well what kind of period do you mean?"

"The kind you have in high school."

"Huh?"

" You know, first period, second period..."

"Oh! that kind of period!"

PHEW! We'll just save that talk for another day.

Having Little 6 1/2 years after Medium has presented itself with some challenges. Some things he learns from his big brothers are not always good or age appropriate.

For example, occasionally words will come out of his mouth that might be okay for a high school kid to say, but not so okay when they come out of the mouth of an 8 year-old.

Like "this sucks", or "what the hell", or "damn it!"

But today I heard this from the back seat just after pulling out of the McDonald's drive-thru...

"Oh man!"

"What's the matter ?"

"They gave  me a frickin' girl toy."

I couldn't help but laugh, but then had to give the obligatory speech about good words and not so good words.

All the good things his brothers do have to rub off on him eventually right? 

Maybe we should start with the vegetables.

Speechless

Kids say the darndest things. 

Most of the things the kids say make me laugh.  We had our Valentine's Day celebration last Friday. I started the discussion, "Who do you love?" Most of the kids said, "my mom", "my dad" or "my dog" but,  Flower Child had a different answer. 

"Flower Child, who do you love?" 

"Mrs. C, I love the Earth."

"Of course you do!"

Sometimes the things they say require a lesson on tolerance and patience. 

"Mrs. C, he's not a very good reader" or "Mrs. C, she's not very smart."

 Sometimes the things I hear are enough to make me want to cry. 

"My mommy told me I was messy and it hurt my feelings."

But never have I had a child say something to me that made me want to throw up. Until...

Friday.

"Mrs. C. I don't feel very good."

"I can tell you're a little sniffly today Flower Child."

"Yes, I am but I know how to swallow my snots."

"Maybe you should blow your nose."

"No! I suck them out backwards and when I feel them in my throat, down they go!

They say the darndest things, but to that I had no reply. Pass the barf bag!

R is for Religion

I am not a religious person. I do however have a Faith.  I probably wouldn't be considered  a good practicer.

Yes I go to church, but not faithfully each week. There are some things about my religion that I don't necessarily agree with, but most I believe in whole heartedly. I love the pageantry and the ceremony of it. I believe in forgiveness and I pray for what is right and good. I am however a firm believer in "taking what I like and leaving the rest behind." I am raising my children in my religion because it is important to believe in something and this is what I know so I am passing it on. I hope I'm passing on the best of what my religion has to offer. It's values pertaining to honesty, being a good and kind person, forgiveness, following the example of the good and turning away the bad, being a good neighbor and doing unto others as you would have them do unto you.

I have to admit however, that I have not done the best job teaching my son his prayers and I do regret that, so I'm trying to work on that with him. This is a pretty important year for him. The year he receives Holy Communion for the first time.

He calls it, "Jesus bread." Which pretty much sums it up. He will truly receive the Body of Christ.

In preparation of that, today he received the sacrament of First Reconciliation. When I was a kid we called it First Confession. 

The new name is an attempt (an a good one at that) of making it more child friendly. Let's face it, confessing all the "bad" stuff you did is not exactly something every 8 year-old wants to do.

I told him just to be honest. Tell about the things that you've done that you aren't so proud of. 

We arrived at church in plenty of time. He sat with the rest of his Sunday school class and his teachers. We parents were seated in the pews a few rows back. He sat with his friends, all with very nervous looks on their faces.

After a few minutes he got up and came back to find me.

"Mom. Do you have a pen?"

"No I don't. Go back and sit down."

"I really need a pen."

"I don't have one. Go sit down."

So back he went. On the way he ran in to his teacher. 

"Mrs. P do you have a pen?"

"Here you go."

He sat down and started writing. I had no idea what he was so intent on writing down. His long list of 8 year-old sins?

I figured out a long time ago that when he gets an idea in his head there is no changing it.

He wrote and wrote and wrote. Then finally, with a satisfied look on his face, handed his teacher back her pen.

She came back to me chuckling.

"He wrote the Act of Contrition on his hands."

"He's going to Confession with Crib notes scribbled on the palms of his hands?"

Cheating. Cheating at Confession.

When it was all over he was beaming with a smile from ear to ear. His soul cleansed.  A clean slate. Faith restored.

"How was it."

"It was good. Can we go to basketball now?"

"Sure. But let me see your hands."

"I didn't want to forget anything and it wouldn't all fit on one hand!"

"I understand, but that's cheating you know."

"It is?"

"Uh huh."

"Mom! Do I have to go back and tell!"

"No, we'll just save it for next time."

"Cool."

Yep. Very cool.

L is for Laugh

There are times during my kindergarten day when I truly crack myself up. It usually happens when I'm trying to be the most serious.

For example, the other day the kids were lined up in the hall for dismissal when a child from one of the other classes kissed another. 

This is the following conversation...

Mrs. P: Now E you know kissing in kindergarten is not allowed.

E: Is it a law?

Mrs. P: Yes, I'm sure it is. Isn't it a law Mrs. S?

Mrs. S: Not only is it a law but it's a STATE law!

Mrs. P: See, E. It's a state law, it might even be a Federal Law.

Me: Actually, I think it's an international law with global repercussions!

Kindergarten is the only grade you can get away with stuff like that.

Today, I said something that made me laugh so hard I couldn't even finish my sentence.

I have a little girl in my class who is the care taker of every other little girl in my class. I actually caught her spoon feeding another child her yogurt. 

Today one of the kids had some very chapped lips and was bleeding a little bit, so I told her to grab a tissue. Not long after I noticed care taker girl holding the blood spotted tissue.

Me: B, She does not need you to help her with lips, she can manage herself, and you don't want to be touching someone else's bloody tissue."

B: Why not?

Me: Because it's a bio hazard!

The second I said it I burst out laughing. Mrs. S burst out laughing, Mrs. V burst out laughing. 

Not a shred of credibility left.

Care taker girl just shook her head and walked away. 

Only in kindergarten.